


Just some blasphemy

by Britishchick



Category: Christian Bible (New Testament)
Genre: Blasphemy, Jesus is secretly gay, M/M, what have I done?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 05:56:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10984767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Britishchick/pseuds/Britishchick
Summary: Jesus Christ describes meeting Simon Peter for the first time





	Just some blasphemy

**Author's Note:**

> Um, shout out to my friend on snapchat who decided this would be hilarious and also sleep deprivation. I'd also like to thank my mum who raised me on the bible (I bet she's so proud). 
> 
> Anyways, disclaimer! My name is not Matthew, Mark, Luke or John. Nor, am I immortal (unfortunately). So, did not create the bible.

It was a simply fabulous day! The sky was a clear, cerulean blue and the sea was just dazzling. It was fantastic! Darlings, let me tell you that, that wind was so refreshing and it flicked my hair in just the right way. Ugh. Perfect! Anyways, where was I? Oh, right, I was just taking a little stroll down the docks by the sea of Galilee. You know, a little exposure of sun to get that perfect tan.

Moving on, on that walk, I saw these two cute brothers fishing. One of them was the biggest hunk you ever did see called Simon. It’s not the hottest name in the world and I really think he’d be better suited to Peter… but darlings, let me tell you, he was a vision. A. Vision! Those arms! Those bulging triceps! Unf! He set my heart all a flutter. I would give anything right then and there to wrap my hands around such strong muscles. He smiled at his brother (Andrew?) and this hunk had the absolutely most cutest smile you ever did see. It made his eyes light up and I think I fell just a little in love. I absolutely _had_ to have him as one of my disciples. As he looked like a very good and holy man of course.

Anyways, I quickly tossed back my hair (a sassy move, I know) and strutted to the front of the docks. “Come, follow me,” I called it my confident voice, “and I will make you fishers of men.” (It sounded important enough.) And they actually left their nets and came over. This Simon was even more gorgeous closer up! I actually got a whiff of his smell and it was gorgeously masculine. He was all sweaty and rugged and all I wanted was for him to wrap his arms around me. Oh gosh, I’m getting a little hot and sweaty myself just thinking about it. Andrew was nice too of course.

And they both become very good and loyal disciples. I even convinced Simon to go by the much more masculine name of Peter. What a simply fabulous day


End file.
